How Integrity, Transparency, and Vulnerability Creates Authenticity

Living your best life.

Sounds amazing, doesn’t it?

But living your best life isn’t always like what people present on social media or T.V. 

Picture perfect and always glamorous. 

It’s actually…  kind of messy.

A good kind of messy.

A delicious kind of messy.

But not all of us are willing or able to take the steps to get there.

It takes work. Trust. An unwavering sense of self. 

We’ve been talking a lot about vulnerability, transparency, and integrity as a means to live a life of true authenticity. The culmination of all of these aspects is what helps us live and lead the best version of ourselves in this life. 

To live your best life.

In order to do this, we need to make sure we’re…

• Living from a space of transparency and authenticity — not people pleasing or second-guessing yourself 
• Living our lives with vulnerability and an openness to life and to the opportunities that are presented to us
• Living a life of integrity — and being our whole and undivided selves

To do this is not easy. It takes effort, trust, consistency, and bravery. 

No, it’s not easy.

But my goodness, it sure is worth it.

Embracing Self-Trust: Stop Second Guessing Yourself

Merriam Webster defines trust as the "assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something" and "one in which confidence is placed."

In order to live your best life, it takes a lot of trust in yourself. It’s hard to successfully live your life without this trust because then you’re always just second-guessing yourself. You may feel stuck — unable to move forward, afraid of making the wrong choice.

Trust means being who you are, and knowing that whoever that person is, is completely and perfectly ok.

We’re so concerned about what looks bad, uncool, or weak to others. And understandably so. We live in a culture that loves to judge. But maybe we’ve internalized the criticism of others so much that we’ve totally exaggerated what we think is wrong with us. We might end up ignoring everything that makes us so wonderful.

When you make that decision to trust in your own true self — without listening to how others think of you — to be vulnerable and transparent enough to be exactly who you are — you’ll find you already know what's true. What actually matters to you. And all the things you offer to yourself and to others, and how strong you really are. 

You realize you don't need to be perfect, put on a persona, or be who others expect you to be in order to feel comfortable in your skin. Sure, pretending to be someone you’re not might work at the moment. But the cost is losing yourself. 

When you live as your whole, integrated and true self, that is where you find trust. 

People who don’t believe in their own self-worth or lack confidence in their ability to do what’s best for themselves may second-guess their opinions, emotions, and decisions and seek others’ opinions and validation.

This can cause you to become further and further disconnected from your true needs, wants, and instincts. You become alienated from yourself. 

This alienation or disconnection from the self can lead to real and tangible mental and physical symptoms. According to Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University, these are some of the negative effects you may experience when you live in a state of disconnect:

• High levels of anxiety, depression, stress, and guilt 
• Trouble sleeping
• Conditions such as impaired memory, heart problems, and diabetes from long-term high stress

We need to start believing in our own abilities to know what is best for us and our lives. To be more attuned to our needs and our desires. To live this life of authenticity.

Our mental and physical health literally depends on it.

People Pleasing: Satisfying Your Own Needs Before Others’

Most of us have a desire to please the people in our lives. We want people we spend our time with and the people we love to be happy, and for them to be happy with us. So we act accordingly.

A desire to please is lovely in healthy and reciprocated relationships that have genuine love and concern for each other. It’s thoughtful. It’s considerate. It’s nice. 

It feels good. 

But the desire to please can start to feel addictive. You might rely on those feelings of succeeding to please someone so you can feel good about yourself. For proof that you’re doing a good job as a human.

This makes you vulnerable — but not in a good way. You might feel overwhelmed with the feeling that you’re not doing the right thing to please someone else or that you’re not good enough if you fail to.

But you just can’t please everyone all the time. Even if you're doing everything in your power to please them. And at some point, you will still disappoint someone with their unrealistic expectations of you or because their values, opinions, and beliefs don’t match yours. 

This uncertainty is not a reliable place to gain your sense of self. Because you cannot control how someone else feels. 

And in this day and age, people love to judge other people. On social media, our whole lives are on display. People judge the way we look, the way we talk, walk, think, express, dance, sing, and well… everything else we do. We fear that others’ judgment will impact the things we do in life, and what we’re allowed to have.

We start to define ourselves by the judgments and allowances from other people to please them. We’re “rewarded” for fitting into those definitions. Eventually, it can become harder and harder to tell who the real you is.

This can create feelings of resentment. Because we’re doing things to satisfy the needs of others, instead of our own — seeking approval over authenticity. 

The more we begin to live within our own integrity and respond to our own inner reality — instead of what other people expect of us — the more life becomes ours.

 So practice tuning into your inner being, being still, and listening to what your inner voice has to say. Make decisions that benefit not only others but, more importantly, you too. 

Standing in Your Authenticity: Living Your Best Life

When you fully trust in yourself and don’t place your value in other people’s hands — it allows you to simply observe the wants and needs of others, act accordingly, and still stay strong in your authenticity. 

Living as your authentic self is possible through trusting that you know what’s best for yourself. Through making the necessary changes in your life that bring you close to vulnerability, transparency, and integrity. And know that although your decisions might not please another person, only you have to live with the consequences.

 For me, the catalyst for making a change was the day my father took his last breath. I knew it was time for me to really figure out what it was that made me happy and follow my true desires.

It helped me realize that we all hold our destiny in our own hands. It’s our responsibility to create the life we want. To show up fully on this ride we call life.  Because life is precious and it could all change at any moment.

So after many days of soul searching, praying, meditating, therapy, and asking the universe to have my back, I finally quit my conventional job of 7 years.

 I released my ‘stable’ aspect of existence, as well as what other people might think of my choices. I was ready to fulfill my life’s work and purpose.

I truly believe that every single experience in our lives is preparing us for our unique and beautiful journey. Everything that happens to us paves the way for who we’re meant to become in the world. 

It’s why I…

• Left my job of many years to pursue what lights up my soul
• Quit social media as it no longer aligned with my business goals
• Practicing living in my own integrity every single day

For me living in my integrity means leaning into the small nudges within. I recognize when my body, mind, and soul need time for rest and reflection vs the forward-moving momentum that we’re so accustomed to. 

Recently, this meant taking conscious time to visit and BE in the mountains. The mountains have always soothed my soul and remind me of all that I am. Growing up in the mountains of NC I realize firsthand how deeply healing this place on Earth truly is.

 My fondest memories include exploring the hills and forests around my home, building forts among the rhododendron bushes, and feeling the way that those blue ridge mountains embraced me. When I felt the nudge to care for myself, I felt the clear message to return to the mountains. For me, that was living in my integrity. Following the direction in which my soul was calling and making that a priority in my life.  

When something starts to feel off, I get really quiet and turn my attention inward to find the source of my discomfort and make the necessary changes to keep it that way.

And now, I encourage you to show up as your best selves and pursue the incredible vastness of this life! 

What will you do with this one precious and beautiful life? Are you ready for it?
As a transformation life coach, my mission is to support + guide women in pivotal moments of transition and transformation in their lives. I would be honored to guide you on your journey. Book a complimentary clarity call with me here.