How Vulnerability Can Be Scary — But Also Change Your Life in the Best Way Possible

Vulnerability.

Even just saying that word out loud can make us feel vulnerable. 

Some of us avoid it at all costs.

The discomfort. The exposure. The feelings… 

Better to just stuff it all down inside and deal with it later. 

Or never. 

But in doing this, we deny ourselves a life of connection.

A life of risk, courage, love, and feeling worthy. 

We risk missing out on the experience of having a beautiful life.

The Meaning of Vulnerability

The dictionary defines vulnerability as the “willingness to show emotion or to allow one’s weaknesses to be seen or known. A willingness to risk being emotionally hurt”.

Writer and speaker Brené Brown said that vulnerability involves a willingness to accept the risk that comes with being open to love and being loved in return. It’s showing up and allowing yourself to be seen. Even though it’s terrifying. 

When you allow yourself to be vulnerable, you open yourself up to the possibility of being hurt, judged, embarrassed, or rejected. You’re allowing yourself to feel vulnerable and be vulnerable and embracing it — without trying to escape it.

Because disconnecting or distracting yourself from feeling exposed can make you more vulnerable. In fact, you’re actually more likely to be hurt. When you distract yourself from the unpleasant feelings, you also disconnect from the parts of you that help protect you. The ones that allow you to react in a way that’s helpful to you.

Ironic isn’t it?

As a human, vulnerability is inevitable and inescapable. It’s a part of the human experience. Even if we try to run from it, we’re still experiencing that emotion that we’re trying to run from in the first place. 

And if we spend our lives trying to keep ourselves safe by avoiding feeling vulnerable, we miss out on all the things that make life so beautiful.

How to be Vulnerable in Life and Relationships

Brené Brown believes that vulnerability is the opposite of weakness. That the measure of how brave you are can be determined by how vulnerable you're willing to be. 

Because allowing yourself to be open to another person takes courage.

 It takes strength. 

It requires trust. 

In your friendships, your partnerships, and yourself. And to believe you are worthy of real connection. To open yourself up to the possibility of being hurt, misunderstood, or rejected. 

It can feel lonely and isolating when you don’t feel understood, or connected within your relationships. 

Allowing yourself to be vulnerable and creating a connection with someone can look like:

• Telling someone how you feel
• Showing physical affection
• Expressing your needs 
• Sharing a future goal you have for yourself 
• Sharing about a time when you’ve been hurt in the past
• Asking for a hug or holding someone’s hand

To become more vulnerable you must know who you are first. You can’t tell someone your truth if you don't know what that is first. When you’re aware of fears and needs, or what your emotional triggers are, you’re able to share them with other people in a way they can clearly understand. 

This can include asking for what you need from someone to feel safe and understood. Or if someone says something that’s hurtful or makes you feel insecure, tell them. Instead of ignoring it or emotionally shutting down, have a conversation about it.

It can be hard to ask for what you need. Maybe you’re afraid to feel rejected if you ask for something you need. Sure, you might end up feeling disappointed. But you might also feel understood, nurtured, appreciated for who you are, and deeply connected to another person. 

You allow someone to deeply care for you and make you feel understood and less alone. 

That you’re worthy of being loved.

The Importance of Allowing Yourself to Be Vulnerable

Brown believes that shame is a fear of disconnection. A fear that there is something about you, that if people see it, you won’t be worthy of connection. Those who feel a deep sense of love and belonging are those who believe they’re worthy of this love and belonging. 

That they dare to allow themselves to be vulnerable because they recognize that it’s scary, but it’s worth it. They are worth it. 

• They have the courage to be imperfect
• The compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others 
• They are willing to let go of who they think they should be, to be who they are 
• They fully embraced vulnerability
• They believed what made them vulnerable, made them beautiful

She encourages us to let ourselves be seen. Deeply seen. Vulnerably seen. We need to love with our whole hearts even though it may hurt us. We need to practice gratitude and joy in moments of terror. 

To believe we’re enough.

Because when you become open, honest, and vulnerable it allows me to see myself in you and allows me to meet your vulnerability. 

Allowing myself to be vulnerable has been the secret sauce of my life. It’s how I have been able to show up authentic as hell and meet people where they are. This is how I shine the light on my imperfections and hiccups in life. It’s how I have learned, grown, and expanded BECAUSE OF my imperfections and not despite them.

I once heard someone say that “Your vulnerability inspires me, my vulnerability terrifies me”. This resonated with me so deeply. 

Because to me, vulnerability means sharing and showing up 100%, despite this fear. 

No matter what someone else might assume, think or say about you. To be YOU because you know how amazing and resilient you are. To show up as you because you know that you are an essential part of this journey of life that we are all collectively riding together.

When I think of my life and I reflect on the moments that stand out as some of the most precious, it has been those I unapologetically and full-heartedly came in as ME. No fluff, no BS, and no masks worn. 

Just me.

And vulnerability is contagious. When you live your truth, you invite others to start to live theirs. 

I've seen how one person's willingness to show up fully as their authentic self to share and serve, has shown others the way into the depths of their greater existence and truth.

The beginning of my personal healing journey started by being honest, unfiltered, and vulnerable. I'll never forget standing in the pulpit of local baptist churches and sharing my truth. My message of surviving and choosing to thrive after a teenage pregnancy, abortion, debilitating depression, and unwavering shame. It was one of the most difficult, yet most important steps for me to see myself as a beautiful human who is just that. HUMAN, and know that this life had amazing things in store for me.

I believe this truth not only for me — but for every human on this earth. We just have to show up for ourselves no matter what.

Being vulnerable is necessary to live the life you’re meant to. This life is your life. 

So live it with love.
If you’d like a little support as you walk your own journey in vulnerability, I’d love to be there for you. Book a complimentary clarity call with me here.