What speed are you running at?
I never really put much thought behind this question before.
Since the day I was born, I have been running at a high speed. My Mom jokes that I tried to walk before I was ready, I hated taking naps as a baby because I was afraid I was going to miss something, and that I was always into something that was keeping me occupied and busy as a child, adolescent and young adult. I have always had a decent share of energy and tend to pack my schedule and my days full to the brim with things that intrigue, excite and spark my curiosity.
I haven’t really thought about the speed at which I have been running, until recently. Until my mind and my body said “No more… not this way, not this speed.”
In the past few years I had started to experience the mental fatigue that comes with being a parent, being a human in this world, being a business owner, launching a business, being a wife, being a teacher, and being something to myself. I could feel that I was more mentally clouded than I recall in the past and began to experience frustration from this onset.
Last year I made a conscious effort to make a shift, cut down, make space for the little things and stop filling my schedule up to the brim. What I didn’t change however was my mental gear shift and the rhythm at which I have been running for the majority of my life.
I was changing the outer experience, but forgetting to TRULY shift my inner experience.
Until my body stopped me.
Last Thursday during a session with some dear clients that I have worked with for years, my body said no more. I was shifting a piece of equipment in the studio, as I have done over a million times, and my back stopped me in my tracks.
I felt excruciating pain run across my lower back and down both of my legs. I could hardly move. I was hurt.
Somehow, through the Grace of God, I finished our session without bursting into tears, said our goodbyes, and then I hobbled to the back room with the help of some of our loving instructors/angels.
As I laid there, I processed all the feelings of frustration, anger, tears of sadness and tears of pain.
“How did this happen?”
“What am I not seeing that I need to see?”
“Why did this happen to me, now, in this way?”
I laid there processing and allowing whatever needed to surface to come through.
Then I realized with immense clarity, that the Universe was MAKING me stop, slowing me down, connecting me back to presence and asking me to release my conditioned tendencies to push, go, force and act.
For the next 4 days I couldn’t move without help from my dear husband.
He had to help me to the bathroom, to shift in the bed for comfort and to even take a sip of water.
I was forced to slow down. I was forced to stay present. I was forced to look at the way in which I had been living my life up until that point.
As I sit here writing this today, I am still in pain, I am still healing, and I am still very aware of the acute injury that occurred last Thursday to my back.
But, more importantly, I am taking my day at a slower pace.
I am breathing deeper. I am catching myself when I begin to jump into autopilot and insist that I slow down.
I am more attentive and focused with my children.
I am more appreciative and loving with my husband.
I am easier on myself and where I am NOW in my life, and feel immense gratitude for the way in which the Universe always gets its message through, even when you are as hard headed as I.
Today, I am seeing my life through a different lens. A lens of ease, restoration and healing. I am consciously making the decision to shift my inner landscape from this day forward, because my health, body and mind are worth it and they deserve that much and more.
I hope this message resonates with you on some level and allows you to take inventory on your inner landscape to see where you might be pushing, forcing or resisting.
All we need is in the moment before us. The Power is in the Now.